A Reminder That I Love Being a Dad

I don’t often get one on one time with my girls.  The two of them are inseparable and it’s rare for them to go in different directions; which is why I found it strange to be in the car with Audrey, solo, for a ride to Gorham and back.  I don’t know if I have ever had that much alone time with her, because if I did I would have remembered how much she really loves to talk!  I seriously think that there was not a moment of silence for the entire ride there or back and I was amazed at how she continued to bring up one subject after another to keep conversation going.  If I answered with a short, dead-end answer, she would find a better question to ask.  Of my four children, she is the one that inherited the gift of gab from her Mom; that and the deep belly laugh – a carbon copy of Maureen’s.

Discussion turned to college, and how do you know what you want to go to school for?  As a fifty-three-year-old who still hasn’t figured out what I want to be, she found a topic that created some lively discussion.  I love talking about all the interest I have and the different work/hobby experiences I have had in my life.  It seemed like to perfect opportunity to discuss my idea of writing this blog and yet another example of how different paths emerge over life.

I discovered a long time ago, that I’m much better at putting my thoughts and feelings down on paper (or computer screen), than I am at vocalizing them.  For example, every year, since the birth of our first child, I would write a story and put it under the tree at Christmas.  I would make it a humorous recap of our life events for that year, because our life always seemed to be taking on these bizarre twists and turns.  I did it mostly for Maureen, because I wanted to give something that was from the heart; a creation of my own that reflected my love.  Today, the kids enjoy going back and reading them as they are filled with both fond memories from childhood, as well as memories of their Mom.

I was struck when Audrey asked me why I wrote those stories?  I took me a few seconds to let that question sink in, but really there was only one answer.

I wrote those stories because I love being a Dad! 

It was such a huge revelation to me at that moment (I could also see it brought a tear to her eye) and honestly I had not thought about the joys of parenthood in a while.  Life has been altered so much over the past few years.  My role has been transformed, my parenting has changed.  I’ve gone from having the perfect parenting partner in my life, to solo, stumbling, doubting single parent figuring things out as I’ve gone along.

I found becoming a single parent  such a shock to my confidence.  Yes, I always knew that I loved being a Dad, but being solo has been so intense, that I have not really thought about it for a while.  I’m certainly a different parent now; I’m always on, I’m the good guy, the bad guy, the enforcer (occasionally), the comforter, the teacher, the role model…  It never stops, but the truth is this, I still love being a Dad. Sometimes it just takes a question from an innocent child to make things clear.

Enjoyable conversation, but unfortunately, I think I may have confused her on the college question!